balance

How do we stop other people’s problems from becoming our own while still being available? How do you prevent yourself from dwelling on things that you can’t change? How can you make it easier for yourself to see other people make their own decisions - even when you don’t feel they are taking the advice they asked you for?

Is it possible?

 
I think we all struggle with this one. We all want to be there for the people we love, we want to see them live happy and fulfilled lives, and we want them to be as happy as we are!  

So how do we balance this? 
How do we prevent their challenges from becoming ours?

I think the first thing is to find out how much room you have available to lease out to someone’s problems. If your life is in order and your relationships are all being nourished properly you may have lots of empty space. On the other hand if half of your "rooms" are filled with guests like guilt, anger or doubt then you will need to work those out first to open up a spot. There is no way that something you’re guilty about should be bunking with someone else’s sadness.  

SO, sort out your own issues, or at least the big ones before trying to take on someone else's. 

Now that you have opened up some space in your mind you need to start setting up boundaries....you are leasing out space remember - not selling it! You first need to set up the boundaries within yourself, sit down with your soul and hear what she says. Your life is the first priority, more importantly YOU. You can’t be anything for anyone if you are not everything for YOU first! Not to be confused with being selfish or self absorbed, looking after your self means being at peace with all of the things in your life and making a conscious effort everyday to maintain that peace. Once you have set up those boundaries and find that balance it will be easier to be available to others in a healthy way.

Being a good listener is the next one. It is not easy. Not saying anything does not constitute a good listener. Hearing makes you a good listener. Being present makes you a good listener. Biting your tongue makes you a good listener.  If you really want to be a good listener you need to be available to hear what people are saying and more importantly you need to be available to hear what your soul is saying. I think that is why it is so important to listen to yourself first, if you get caught up listening to other peoples issues all the time you may end up drowning out your inner voice and neglect those things you need to deal with on a personal level. 

Allowing yourself to be wrong or not heard is another one. Being offended or hurt when someone doesn't take your advice is sometimes hard. I mean....they asked you for your input after all! Try to remember that there is a good chance that you are not the only person they are asking and that it is their decision. We are not all the same and we don't all want the same things out of life - and that is ok! So when someone is asking you for your opinion or advice - remember it is YOUR advice, YOUR opinion.....not necessarily right for them.

So, yes, I do think with a little effort, it is possible to be available to other people, to open up space in your world for a loved one needing a little help, to offer advice when asked, all the while keeping it from become your burden.