ten years.

On the twenty-fifth of May, ten years ago, my world lost a very special person.  I cannot believe it has been ten years already. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I know exactly where I was when I got the phone call, I remember sliding to the floor in shock and I remember crying and crying and crying. I remember wondering how I was going to tell our friends who were out visiting, who came out for a good time, who were out picking up beer to get ready for a weekend of fun and partying. I remember the silent drive home knowing our lives were changed forever. I remember it all and it still hurts just as much as it did then.  I try to be  a “look on the bright side” kind of person, but this one was really hard. I know, that until the day I die, I will be able to recall both happy and sad memories of that time. 

We all grew up together in a small community and we all took his death hard. For most of us it was our first experience with death and it brought us together. I remember trying to come up with a way to make sense of it, we were all trying to make sense of it.  Some of our friends still haven’t been able to. We don’t talk about it, and if it does come up it ends in tears, with the pain of losing him just as strong for them as it was the day he left us. He had such a presence, was such a well known and loved person. I like to think that we are all here to accomplish something and once you have done what you need to do, you move on. That is how I feel about losing him, he did what he needed to do and it only took him 22 years. This is what I believe, this is what I have believed since that day 10 years ago. It makes sense to me.

I like to focus on the good times! He was young, but he lived, he really, really lived, always full tilt, always a smile, a kind word and a helping hand. There are no shortage of good memories, adventures and lots of funny times! Anytime you would get stuck (or anyone of us would get stuck) you could always call him and no matter what time of the day or night it was, he was always up for pulling someone out the mud (or snow)! I remember going on my first road trip away from home with him, with no parents! It was my 18^th birthday and since I couldn’t drink in Saskatchewan he drove us to Edmonton. It wasn’t just a trip to Edmonton though, everything with him was a special adventure and he always wanted to make sure to include the people he loved. We stayed with his mom, his sister came with us and his brothers came up on the train. We made some great memories, surrounded by family; it was a weekend filled with love and laughter. Throughout the years  we spent a lot of days and nights “driving nowhere”, getting stuck, feeding cows, swimming in the dirty old swimming hole,  driving the tractor, playing cards, maybe having the odd drink; no matter what you were doing, it was always right where you wanted to be!  

He was a great friend to me and he was my first true love. I will forever be grateful for the time I was able to spend with him. 

For years he visited me in my dreams, we would go off together happy to be reunited.  I would see that big beautiful smile of his and he would tell me that he was back, I was always so happy to see him, they were always such nice dreams – until I would wake up and realize it wasn't real. Then one day, I met him in my dreams, it was our usual happy reunion, he asked me to go with him and I told him I couldn’t, I told him I loved him but this wasn’t real, that he was dead and I had met a man I loved and I couldn’t leave him. Like all the other dreams he visited me in, I woke up from that one crying, but I also felt better. I felt like I was ok, I felt like I had finally let go, and I knew that I probably wasn’t going to be seeing him in my dreams anymore. I have only met up with him in my dreams once since then; I still think of him often – only now it is almost always with a smile. 

So, tomorrow, on the ten year anniversary of his death I will think of the good times and remind myself that everything that has happened in my life has brought me to where I am, this incredible place I could never have imagined……especially ten years ago.

a sign of summer

So I was on my way to the grocery store when I was completely side tracked by one of my favourite things……a garage sale!  As sure as the first crocus in April, a garage sale is a sign of the summer that lies ahead!! How happy was I when I pulled up to my first garage sale of the season! The sun was shining, there was a radio playing and the ladies running the garage sale were all smiles! I overheard them talking about the move and that’s when I noticed the for sale sign. After talking with them I discovered they had bought a house in Arizona and are retiring. How nice for them, and how random for me to know that about complete strangers, and then follow that up by getting a deal on a $2 belt! Awesome!

There are so many things about a garage sale that I love, the feeling of anticipation when I see the sign. What a nice surprise! Driving down the road, windows down, radio playing, wind blowing through my hair….and then – there it is, Garage Sale! Estate Sale! Multi-family Yard Sale!  I honestly can’t believe I haven’t been in a car wreck. These signs are so bright and commanding! I have to remind myself that I am in a vehicle and there are other people on the road. Oh, and if my husband happens to be driving, well he hates it! The sharp intake of breath followed by the pointing and yelling, I am surprised that I haven’t given him a heart attack! He gets mad, his blood pressure is up, but he is usually a good sport! He doesn’t always get out of the car with me – but I am working on him.

I have made so many great purchases at garage sales! I have some beautiful outdoor side tables, an old dresser, some great books, and much more! Even my husband got a deal on an old recliner for his man cave!  One of the beautiful things about garage sales are the deals! All the prices are just suggestions!  No one actually expects you to pay the asking price. Think about it – this is their junk!! They went to the trouble of putting a price on something, hauling it out onto their driveway, placing brightly coloured signs all over the community, setting up a lawn chair and committing an entire weekend to getting rid of this junk. They do not want to have to bring it back into the house or worse, load it into a truck and take it to the dump. The goal is to get rid of the stuff. They want you to take it, you don’t really need it, they don’t need it - so it comes down to who doesn’t need it less! 

There are a few things you can do to keep garage sale season running smoothly. First of all you should never really be looking for anything; it is good to have an idea of a few things that you could use around the house, but nothing you really need, if you really need something you should go buy it! If you have specific things you are expecting to find at a garage sale you will likely be disappointed. It is all about finding that thing you didn’t really know you needed.

The other key to a successful garage sale season is to carry cash. Not just when you plan to go to a garage sale, but throughout the entire season. It is all about the random finds – the garage sale is going to find you, not the other way around! Be prepared; keep some cash in your car. A variety of cash is also very important. Lots of small bills. You need to be able to say, “oh darn, I really really like this - but I only have $5 on me, would you take $5?” and they will. It is easier to pretend you don’t have enough money than to ask them to give you a deal. They want to feel good too. Make it as simple as possible, easier the better.

Another good tip is to remind yourself you really don’t need this item – because you don’t, if you did you would go buy it! You want the seller to feel just as good as you do, so let them sell it to you. Telling them you don’t really need the item, but that you like it gets them trying to sell it to you. They want to get rid of the item and are more than happy to tell you why you need it and to drop the price! You get to work a deal and the whole time they feel like they sold it to you!  You leave feeling great about the deal you just got; and they get to tell their garage sale partner how they totally just convinced you to buy whatever it was! It’s a win, win!

A garage sale is a sneak peek into someone’s life too, isn’t it? You get to see what kind of things they have held onto throughout the years, what sort of books they read, their style in hats and purses, how well they have taken care of all the tools in their garage and sometimes you even get to go into the house. Oh, the garage sales when they let you into the house! You would never normally let a stranger into your house, never mind putting an ad in the paper and half a dozen fluorescent orange signs with arrows leading the way for an unknown amount of strangers right to your door, but for some reason when you sell your house you open the doors to all kinds of people! 

Maybe that’s it. 

You are moving - you aren’t going to see these people again - this isn’t even your house anymore! 

Whatever the reason, I love it!  

staying open

Over the past few weeks I have been lucky enough to run into two old friends from high school!  It was exciting to sit down with two separate people from two different times in my life and catch up! The feeling was warm, conversation was easy and the laughs were continuous! I found myself smiling thinking about the good times we had and the mistakes we made together. The mistakes have made us who we are and to see both of these people all grown up with their ducks in a row was amazing. I realized that I have been “pigeon holing” these old friends into the places they were when I last knew them. It was so great to see them all grown up, in better places and on a better path in life. It was refreshing to see they are still the same thoughtful, kind, fun loving guys I knew way back when, just a little older!

Seeing these boys from my past, has really got me thinking. How does this “pigeon hole” thinking affect us? I think we are all guilty of it. You remember what you remember. You forget that people can change, people do change; surely you are not the same person you were ten years ago.  You have changed over the years.

This applies to so many things in our lives, not only relationships with people but also relationships with things. When I was a kid I really did not like stew and just assumed that as an adult I still did not like stew.  Then one day I accidentally over cooked a roast, so I cut it up, added some vegetables and homemade gravy and voila - stew! Now I go out of my way to make it, stew has become a staple at our house!  

Being able to acknowledge change in all aspects of our lives is important.  It is easy to get stuck in our ways, easy to get so comfortable with our ways of thinking and our opinions that we lose the ability to change.  We still have the ability but maybe we are too comfortable to let those changes in. Changing is growing and if you stop growing you stop contributing! We are on this earth for a short period of time and we need to stay open in order to make the most of it! 

I feel grateful to have been able to see these two old friends and I am so happy for them and for all the positive changes they have made in their lives. I feel grateful too that I have been able to make this realization and to open myself up to the idea that things are not always the same as I remember.  I think we all need to let go, forgive and open ourselves to what is ahead instead of remaining stuck in the past.

It was a good reminder, seeing those boys, a good reminder to keep myself open. Open to change, not only within myself but also within others. Open to being accepting and forgiving. Things are forever changing and change is good. I never realized I was doing it, but I think because it has been so long since I saw them I just assumed they were the young men I remembered. There have been lots of really good times, lots of late nights, lots of laughs and there was a fair bit of irresponsibility. I am not that same person, but for some reason I thought they would be. 

Why?

Why did I think they would not have grown up and moved on too? I am not really sure why I thought that way but I do know that I am really glad the universe pointed it out to me!

r